Realization of Death

I have often wondered how we understand the concept of death.

When my grandfather passed away in 1990 I was only 6years old. My twin and I were rushed out of our classroom and taken home. As we came into the living room I saw my grandfather lie on the floor covered with white sheets. To me he looked sound asleep and I wondered why he wouldn't just wake up when there were so many people around him.

We wandered from one room to another noticing that crying was a common practice in all of them. She saw my bewildered expression and said "He's never coming back again." I didn't understand what she meant so I replied "From where?"
And she shushed me down.

It was 1995 and my family had broken its journey in Delhi on their way to seeing us twins off to Welham, a girls boarding school in Dehradun.
I had a strange dream that night. I was in a battlefield and my neck had been slashed open - causing my head to continuously tilt backwards because of lack of support. It was gruesome. I ran from soldier to soldier in the dream, asking them to stitch me back so that I could carry on fighting against the enemy, but no one could hear or see me.
This was the first time I understood death.

The next day I hung on to my aunt, mum & dad throughout the journey, continuously stroking them to make sure they were there (looking at family members with a fear of losing them can be highly traumatizing for a 10year old).
I have tried to re-dream that battlefield for as long as I can remember, but I still haven't been able to stitch my neck back.

Death is the end of life whether we acknowledge it or not.
Even though I am bad at saying goodbyes, I think its realization ever since that day gave me the freedom and strength to dream, be fearless of losing people or moving places, because in the end we stand alone to leave and gather memories of those we love.

a-wake or a-sleep

A normal Wednesday, my alarm went off at 7am, I got out of bed, walked through the kitchen to the bathroom, brushed and was taking a shower when I realized that my alarm was ringing again it was 7.30 and I was still in bed!

This was a weird incident for me because even though I have very realistic dreams, today was the first time I believed that I could sleep while making my body do smth I didn’t want to do – i.e. get out of bed in the cold to take a shower.

I have heard of kids peeing in their beds, but showering... lolz, that would have been a sight!
Neways,
I think its a sign to hit the bed @ 10pm tonight!!
My consciousness really needs a break from worldly winter rain, cold and creative TED talks :)